I did not come into the Online Traditional Catholic Community to pose as an expert on various columns about Catholic social issues. No, there are actual experts out there. I'm a reactionary, not a theologian. I do put my thoughts and ideas out there on this blog; however, rather than a conversation with Catholics--as I originally hoped years ago--I instead am producing an on-going monologue. I came into the community in order to make friends and have discussions with people. Instead, my friendship with the forums I frequented has been spurned.
So, being an outsider for quite a while, now, I've come to dislike the Online Traditional Catholic Community, and I find I have less in common with them as time passes. Sometimes, I even wonder if I can get along with Catholics at all. And it is at such times that I can really relate to how contemptuous Israel was in the Old Testament. Catholics--God's people--are supposed to be the best of us. But I do not find this to be the case in my experience.
Even an atheist colleague, DLJ, once told me, upon hearing I got booted from the club: humans are emotional. I certainly see a lot of emotion kicked up every day between my old associates. Yet it was this vague charge of being emotional that justified me getting turned away. How can I not have the temptation now to say, "Forget them"? Saying "Forget the Catholics" doesn't seem like the holiest response, but it does sound pragmatic, I guess.
Which leads to the latest eye-catching event for me in the Online Trad Community. Something Jayne said today:
I have appreciated the forum's position that all members should be given a fresh start but I question how it has worked in my case. So many posters here came from Fisheaters and were scandalized by me, I doubt that simply telling people not to talk about it is the right approach.That's absolutely great. I rarely see self-reflection in people. So, to see Jayne take a look at her past actions and reconsider what she has done...it's just great. Kudos to her, I say. I never thought I'd witness her admitting to scandalizing people. Better late than never, I suppose. But still, honestly--anyone familiar with her over the years has got to be glad she now admits this.
I do not know what she's talking about when she says the forum's position is that members should be given a fresh start. It's not true for me or others. But whatever. Double standards is the way of the world these days.
Sometimes, I wonder if my discussing the forums is some kind of a Gamma male reaction. Perhaps parts of what I've said in the past are gamma in nature? I don't know. Wouldn't surprise me. However, when I take a look back and try to figure out what I have to apologize for, I really can't think of anything. The reasoning of the moderators at SD has been truly nebulous in my case. Very vague. What else can I conclude: KK and his pals just don't like me, and in a dick move, booted me. Let's just throw out Matthew 18 when it comes to policy and attitude towards fellow Catholics. Not that I've done anything that needs forgiving.
Anyhow, those are tonight's thoughts. Maybe I'll shut the blog down again tomorrow. Depends on my mood.